Your toddler is hanging around the park like no one cares, but you’ve been there 45 minutes and now you have to cook dinner and sort through a pile of laundry taller than the Tower of Pisa. It’s time to go home.
After several techniques to try to encourage your toddler to leave the park, you give up and go back to the old fail-safe: “Okay, I’m leaving without you.” You turn on your heel and head for the door. “Bye bye!”
At that point, your child is usually spurred into action, even though let’s face it, sometimes they’ll still ignore it anyway.
If this sounds familiar, it’s because all of us have been there, slowly losing shards of our sanity while trying to negotiate with someone who is, let’s face it, immune to negotiation.
But telling your toddler you’re leaving isn’t good news, according to a toddler expert.
“You just told them if they’re not obedient, you might leave them one day,” Deena Margolin, co-founder of Big Little Feelings and a marriage and family therapist, said in a video on Instagram.
“That’s your child’s worst nightmare: losing you.”
So what is the solution to going somewhere in a healthier way?
According to Margolin, it’s about accepting the child’s feelings (for example, saying, “You’re having so much fun. It’s hard to put it down”) and then giving them a choice.
So you could say, “It’s time to go home now. Do you want to walk or have a ride? You choose!”
To help ease the tantrums, you may also want to mention something fun you’ll do together once you’re home. Or on the way home.
And if you find your toddler still won’t move after that technique, you can add, “Leaving is hard, I’m going to help you now.” At that time you can pick them up and take them out of the park.
They can kick, they can scream, and that’s normal. “You’re there to support them through the upset feelings and at the same time keep a boundary,” says Margolin.
And if you just don’t have time for all that, or if your toddler is resistant to being sweet-talked to, try these time-tested tips from HuffPost UK readers.